Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in

the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked

Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.

1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable.

2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for 'Captain EO'.

3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean's son.

4. Could really walk on moons.

5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith.

6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of 'Beat It'.

7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had.

8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic.

9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet

10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly.

Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather?

A. Drizzle

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?

A. Michael Jackson

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?

A. He thought it was a home delivery service.