One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner.
As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."
Bill: "What are you whining about then?
The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Ida confided to her close friend, "My cooking left my husband cold."

"He divorced you?"

"No," she replied, "he died."

The pharmacist proudly showed Mr. Thompson his newest product. "It's an apple that tastes like pussy."

Curious, Mr. Thompson took a bite; he spat violently. "Pussy? This thing tastes like shit!"

The pharmacist flushed and turned it around. "Sorry," he said, "you bit the wrong side."

Then there was the efficiency expert

Then there was the efficiency expert who put Visine in his grapefruit. . . .

Q: Why do watermelons contains

Q: Why do watermelons contains so much water?

A: They're planted in the spring.