A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room.

"Do I have any choice here," he asks a sergeant.

"Yes, you do. You may eat it or not"

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it

dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he

asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles,

and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was a
demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would
ever come.

“Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You're doing a FINE job. We've already covered four miles!”

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

“And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the
starting point any minute now.”

An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer. One day, the major saw a lovely girl. “Turn the car around,” he ordered.

The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the girl had vanished.

“Driver,” said the major, “you'd be a total loss in an emergency.”

“I thought I did pretty well,” the driver said. “That was my girl.”

In this particular branch of the Army's officer training school, the instructor
was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security number.

In the early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers. “Four-seven-seven-zero?” he asked.

“Here,” replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly asked for the wrong paper.

“Seven-zero-seven-five?” asked the instructor.

“Here,” repeated the student, gearing for trouble.

“I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, soldier,” spoke the teacher.

“That's right, sir,” answered our hero. “I have a nick-number.”

One day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw
recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches. “You dumb, censored, son of

censored, censored, censored,” screamed the sarge.

A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned, “Remember, Sarge, you're
in the New Army. No profanities.”

The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. “My goodness gracious,” he said, “What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted

expenditure of valuable ammunition?”

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag

up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"