How to Annoy People at Work1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inchpaper, 99 copies.
2)Practice making fax and modem noises.
3)Duringmeetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentaly" flip the cartridgeacross the room.
4)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5)ALWAYSTYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON 6)type only in lower case.7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither 8)While making presentations,occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
9)In the memo field ofall your checks, write "for sensual massage."
10)Ask your co-workersmysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusementpark.
They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel.
Theride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?"
he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
So the young mantook her over to the weight guesser."
One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he wasabsolutely right.
Next they rode the roller coaster.
After that, hebought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he askedwhat else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
I really latched onto a square one tonight, thoughtthe young man, and using the excuse he had developed aheadache, he took the girl home.
The girl's mother was surprised to see her home soearly, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have anice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in thecrotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
He finally getshimself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc?
I'm going on myhoneymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let itheal and keep it straight.
It should be okay next week."
So he tookfour tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage andwired it all together.
It was an impressive work of art.The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend.
They marry and ontheir honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse toreveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he eversaw them.
She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched thesebreasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look atthis, it's still in the CRATE !"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr.
Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!"
"I see millions of stars," Watson said.
"What does that tell you?"
Holmes asked.Watson replied.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful.
Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot," he said.
"Someone has stolen our tent!"

Good News, Bad News, Worse News
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them

Good News, Bad News, Worse News II
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You're in them

A young Indian boy came back to the reservation for a family visit after his first year at college.
When his dad asked him about his first year at school, he said: I'm having trouble with people making fun of me, especially my Indian name.

How did you come to give your children such odd names"?
His father said: "When your brother was born, I looked out the teepee and I saw an eagle flying so I named him Little Eagle and when your sister was born, I looked out the
teepee and saw a deer grazing, so I named her spotted fawn.
Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*cking"?