Then there's the chef who cooks carrots and peas in the same pot.
He was shut down by the health department.

The waiter at the diner came over and ask« his customer, "And how did you find the steak?|

"Easy," snarled the patron. "I shoved a spoon| ful of potatoes to the side, and there it was!"

The inexperienced waiter came over, and Mr. James said, "I want chicken smothered in gravy.™]

"I'm sorry," the waiter replied, "but if you want it slaughtered in so unmerciful a manner, you'll have to do it yourself."

Milton Rice took his business associates to an expensive French restaurant. Rather than admit he couldn't read a word of the menu, he went ahead and ordered for his guests. Although the waiter's brows arched when Mr. Rice ordered his own meal, he brought the man what hef asked for: a whole pig smothered in pineapple sauce. When the tray was wheeled over, Mr. Rice was shocked, but he didn't miss a beat. Reaching into the pig's mouth, he withdrew the apple.

"It's expensive," he said to his associates, "but you know—this is the only way I like apples."

When NASA opened the first restaurant on the moon, one visitor complained to another, "Y'know, this place has great fooH and terrific service, but there's one thing wrong with it."

"What's that?"

The visitor replied, "No atmosphere."

Dining at Pattie's Pie Parlor, Mr. DeMille called Pattie over.

"Listen," he said, "this peach torte is terrible." "But sir," Pattie answered back, "it's our specialty! We've been serving this torte for years.|| "In that case," Mr. DeMille replied, "let n have something you cooked more recently."

Then there was the diner who collared the waiter and complained that his meal wasn't fit for a pig.

"I'm so sorry," replied the waiter, 'Til go back and bring you one that is."

"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "how dare you serve me this! There's a bloody twig in my soup!"

"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

The saleswoman sat down at the counter in thee run-down diner. It wasn't the land of place she'd have visited on her own, but she was on the road, and it was the only place open.

"Ill have the chicken noodle soup," she said, looking at the menu. After all, she reasoned, the soup would have to have been boiled.

The man behind the counter said, "Sorry, hon, we ain't got that today."

"What do you have?" she asked.

"Chicken pea," he replied.

Growing pale, the woman said, "111 just have coffee, thanks."